11 PLUS - Being Creative Bonus! (The blog can go forwards...)

(Want to listen to this post instead?  Less screen time!  For audio, click here)

We all know that old saying?  “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!”  As if it were that simple.  As if lemonade were the answer to all of life’s problems…

The image above is a painting I made almost exactly two years ago.  That June, I was one year post injury and things were looking promising!  I had just attended a cool improv workshop and had a lot of fun when I was invited to perform in a show with some out of town guests.  I was flying high and the summer was seeming bright.  I was making plans, thinking the worst was behind me.  And then…

Then I made this painting and wrote this post on Facebook:

June 19, 2016

Post Concussion Syndrome can be really hard sometimes. After the massive cognitive success and emotionally exciting high that was last week, this week I am reminded of the laws of gravity and entropy - the more massive the object, the more forceful it falls, and even the well organized will trend towards disorder. Sometimes I feel life gives me too many lemons... Getting tired of lemonade, I figured I'd use these in another way. Climbing back up from a low point, my Saturday night became a paint therapy night. Challenge accepted, life... Challenge accepted.

Not that long ago, someone asked me if writing this blog was cathartic.  I did not hesitate when I answered “no.”  That may surprise you.  Sure.  I’m a firm believer in journaling to help discover and make sense of your thoughts and feelings.  I truly believe in the power of storytelling and how expressing oneself in this way, connecting with others, is so good for coping and accepting hardships.  And truthfully, maybe I responded a bit too quickly to that query.  But I stand by what I said next: “It’s actually kind of hard and kind of triggering, looking back all these years, rereading my journal entries.  It’s not easy to describe and sometimes when I write the posts, I feel unwell after as it brings up a lot…”

So then why do I it?

Writing these posts may not be totally relaxing.  I don’t always experience a sigh of relief afterwards.  It doesn’t usually feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.  But, just as meditation isn’t always relaxing and therapy isn’t always comforting, writing this blog doesn’t always have to be cathartic for it to be worth it.

At the outset, I expected each blog post to be only half a page to maybe a page long…in actuality, my posts have more often been one to two, or even three pages long.  There are a couple of posts I’ve set out to be quick and easy - just a couple of paragraphs, I would think to myself.  Then, I’d start writing and be surprised at what transpired.  My experience in words has come out more creative and more eloquent than I ever imagined.  I’ve discovered connections between my thoughts and experiences I hadn’t yet realized.  In other words, in the moment of writing these blog posts, I didn’t feel that sense of catharsis, but there is likely a long term therapeutic benefit from writing this blog that I did not anticipate.

Still, this is not why I do it.

The goal was to write one blog post for each day in June, Brain Injury Awareness month, to share my experiences, help those surviving brain injury to feel less alone and to help those who have not experienced TBI (and hopefully never will) to understand what it is like.  As it is June 30th and this is my 13th post of the month, surely I did not achieve the expected quota.  But I do believe I have in fact succeeded.

I am so proud of this blog.  So proud of myself for being so vulnerable.  So proud of the creativity I’ve discovered in writing this.  I’ve even received some messages from readers and listeners:

“This blog is amazing! You are a very engaging writer who is humorous and doesn't shy away from the facts!”

“Thanks for sharing your blog posts and for providing them in audio format! Awesome…I loved your description of what it feels like to have PCS; it's pretty much exactly how I described my symptoms to family and close friends :)”

“Just listened to post 10: Setback.  It was amazing!!  I cried, I laughed, I 100% identified, thank you for writing it :-) I love listening to your posts when I’m resting, they are so soothing :-)”

“Love your blog!! 3 gave me goosebumps & 4 made me cry cuz docs say I got reconcussed yesterday :( Love your xmas gift analogy. Keep it up, you're a talented writer & speaker.”

“Grateful for your powerful message...which I’ll use as fuel in my own life here and now. Thank you!”

“Thanks again for your contribution to the world of brain injury through helping others with PCS, to helping raise awareness about it!”

At a time in my life when I feel like I can’t do anything, can’t contribute to my community in the way I’d like, can’t connect with people to the extent I’d like, these messages let me know that this blog has done just that for me and hopefully for others.

So the month of June may be over, but I’m going to keep going for as long as this blog serves.  My brain injury and that of others doesn’t go away after June; there is need for awareness and support all year round.  My boggled brain is filled with so many more marvellous blog ideas; I have more to share and I think you want more to read and hear too.

Just like two years ago, this past month I had another setback.  Life gave me more lemons.  Two years ago I made them into a painting.  Today, the city I find myself in is at the brink of a heatwave and I am in fact solving this problem drinking some freshly squeezed lemonade!  But lemons aside, just like two years ago, I am creating something out of what has been given to me.  I still have the will to keep going.

We made it this far.  Let’s go further.

One blog post at a time 💜

- Krystal