7 - Music

I took this picture of my ABBA on vinyl 😀 

(Want to listen instead?  Less screen time!  Click here)

Anything that’s stimulating can trigger symptoms.  What’s stimulating?  Anything.

In Post Concussion Syndrome, we are supposed to limit or avoid anything that causes us too many symptoms.  The trouble is if we limit or avoid too much, we don’t improve and we also become isolated.  This can lead to sad or depressing thoughts and moods, which in turn are stimulating in their own way, triggering more symptoms…like a vicious cycle of doom…

When you’re unwell, you would think laying down listening to some tunes would be relaxing.  One of the saddest and most frustrating moments I remember was when I tried but couldn’t listen to music. Music has otherwise always made me feel good.  I love to sing, I love to dance.  But one day post injury in 2015 I tried to cheer myself up by putting on my ABBA on vinyl (yes…I’m one of those 30-something year-old hipsters who owns a record player…).  Instead of feeling good I felt epic pain and discomfort. SOS…

When overstimulated, whether by sound, light, activity, overthinking or a poor nights rest, it feels like my brain is a balloon and someone is squeezing it hard, trying to pop it.  I can no longer think straight.  It seems all the muscles in my body are tensing.  I may get dizzy, nauseous and my vision may be blurred.  It makes me really anxious.  Depending on how bad it feels, I could even slip into a panic attack.  This is not only, well, alarming, but also exhausting.

Despite how I felt that day, trying to play my ABBA Greatest Hits record, I need to remember that that was just one day and one moment.  It does not reflect the effect of music on the brain as a whole.  In fact, music to me has been quite helpful.  It just depends on the kind of music and how I’m feeling.

I have a neighbour who’s a music therapist.  We’ve chatted quite a bit.  When I started to make the link between music and feeling good, this neighbour was telling me some fun facts.  For example, I remember my neighbour talking about Alzheimer’s or dementia.  Playing music from the affected person’s adolescence seems to help because this stage of our life is so charged with emotion.  When we hear music from that time in our life, it’s extra nostalgic.  I can say that I always get the warm fuzzies when I hear some old school Smashing Pumpkins, Our Lady Peace or Dance Mix ’95 (for all my Canadian readers who remember Much Music’s yearly dance jams).  Though, most of those tunes are a little loud or fast paced for my slow and healing brain… 

When starting to listen to some soft jazz, I came across an artist who is now one of my favourites.  Her name is Melody Gardot.  Not only was I drawn to the softness of her voice, the catchy beats and relatable lyrics, but I also came across her biography: The Accidental Musician.  She was in a serious bike accident that resulted in chronic pain from a broken back, shattered pelvis and, yep you guessed it, a traumatic brain injury.  At one point, she had “aphasia,” which is a problem with language that for Melody Gardot left her unable to speak.  Bedridden and frustrated, she learnt to play the guitar lying down.  In her videos and photos she’s wearing dark glasses.  This may seem like a trivial fact, but for me it normalized having to wear my sunglasses outdoors and indoors everyday.

I had also asked my music therapist neighbour about Mozart.  There are all these claims that Mozart is good for cognitive development and brain healing.  Now, I’m not here to support or deny these claims, but it was interesting to hear my neighbour talk about music by Mozart, Bach and even Gregorian chants.  The music in these compositions are well structured, which is thought to support brain function.  My neighbour even lent me a bowed psaltery - a simple string musical instrument.  I recognized that playing and singing along to certain music was something I could do, even when it seemed I couldn’t do anything.

You know that feeling, when you’re cold?  You’re shivering.  Maybe you didn’t wear enough layers.  Maybe the air conditioning is on too high at your workplace.  Maybe you live somewhere where the temperature in winter can get down to minus fifty degrees Celsius… Whatever the situation that makes you cold, how wonderful does it feel when someone finally puts a blanket over you?  Gives you a hot beverage and you feel it slide down your throat, the heat spreading out to all parts of your chest?  Or when you finally step into that shower and all the hot water is still there for the taking??  That warm embrace and relaxing feeling is how my brain and body can feel when I hear the right music at the right time.

Since the ABBA incident of 2015, I have since been able to listen to more upbeat dance and alternative music.  There are still days and moments when this does not feel good.  In fact, there have been a couple of times when I’ve even had to turn off relaxing Mozart music.  But on the whole, I’ve got a Spotify account, I’ve got a stack of records and my living room has once more become a dance floor 🙌

In one of Shakespeare’s plays it is said “If music be the food of love, play on.”  Well, as ABBA sang “People need love,” and I think my brain could use some too 💛

- Krystal

Bob relaxes to Mozart:

(Warning, this video is shaky.  I recorded using my phone.  The shakiness my be hard on the brain.)

Melody Gardot: Over the Rainbow

(This is also a callback to my blog post #4: Mind the Heart!)