27 - Time

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What I’m sharing with you today I didn’t write. Instead I dictated it to my phone. It was a beautiful summer day but my mood wasn’t as bright. I just felt I needed to get out my thoughts and feelings. So I picked up my phone and I started recording. What I recorded is a reflection on time — my time spent in my recovery and how time feels. I have here for you today the content of that recording, raw and unedited. A special edition of This Hat is a Helmet. Enjoy!

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I have often heard my friends who are parents say they wish they could slow down time. They wish they could stop it. They feel like their kids are growing up so fast. And they just want to preserve this moment.

I remember when I was young, my parents always saying that time went by so fast. It’s the summer right now and I was looking at my agenda earlier. It feels like summer just started, yet at the same time it’s almost over. When I was young, I never understood this — I never understood when adults said time seemed to pass so quickly — I thought they were weird. Now I’m one of those adults. But during my recovery, time doesn’t always feel like that.

I remember before, people saying to me, just take it one day at a time. This used to really frustrate me. Take it one day at time? It’s hard getting through the day — the day seems like a lofty goal. I’m having a hard time getting through the hour, the minute. There were many times when time seemed to move so slow… Where I just wished time would pass and I would get to a time when I felt better.

Today I can hear kids out my window yelling and screaming and playing. And I find myself also wanting time to slow down, to stand still. But it’s not because I want to preserve this moment.

I’m not feeling super well today. I had a good day yesterday — drove out to one of the parks, went to a beach, swam, got some sun, went to the store, even did some things on my phone screen. I should’ve known I would pay for it today. It’s kind of like winter…

Here in Canada, we go all winter wishing it was summer, then we go all summer forgetting that winter is a thing. And when winter comes, we’re all surprised by it. We don’t know where it came from and we’re shocked that it happened, even though it happens every single year. I feel like I’m treating my bad days and my symptoms now like my classic Canadian-self treats winter. How is it, that even though routinely after busy successful days, I feel like crap, I am still shocked by it? I am still frustrated wondering where it came from. I am still worried that it will never get better.

But it does get better. It always does.

But what I worry about is the length of time. Maybe deep down, I know it will get better, but how long until that happens? Just like maybe deep down all of us Canadians know winter is coming, but when will that first snowfall hit? When will that first -40 grace our faces? And how long will that winter last before we come out of hibernation and can ride our bikes, yell, run, scream, and play? I think it’s the amount of time that catches us off guard.

Today I’m wanting time to slow down. Not because I want to preserve the moment, but because I am wondering how long this is going to take. You see, I want time to slow down for everyone else. I want the time to catch up. I want the time to recover and get to a point where I can move along in time with others.

Many times during my recovery, it has felt as though I myself have been frozen in time. I struggle day in and day out, week in and week out, month in and month out, trying to get ahead. And I do so watching all the other people around me get ahead. Reach their milestones, move forward in life, and wish time for them would stop or slow down. And I wish that for them, I really do. But not the way I have to live it.

So here I am today, having a hard time. But if there’s anything I know to be true, it’s that time doesn’t stop. It’s all just how we perceive it. At times it may seem faster and it may seem slower. But perception aside, it will pass us by if we don’t do what we can to enjoy it.

At least, I guess, that is what I will tell of time today.

Best and brain health for all,

And best and brain health for all time,

— Krystal 

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And that’s the post! I hope you had a good time — lol, bad pun, I know.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for joining me on this journey. This is the last post I will be doing for the summer. I need to take a break, I need to take some time for myself. I will be coming back with more posts in November.

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And please do share with all your friends, family, coworkers, neighbours…brain health for all!

Enjoy the rest of your summer if you’re in the Northern hemisphere. Regardless of where you are, I do hope you enjoy the weather and take some rests. I will see you back in the late fall, or dare I say shocked by an early winter…

Cheers.

(Image by Unbox Science from Pixabay)