27 - Time

-
Season, Winter, Spring, Summer, Fall, Autumn, Snowflake



Listen to the audio for more fun and less screen time, here!


What I’m sharing with you today I didn’t write. Instead I dictated it to my phone. It was a beautiful summer day but my mood wasn’t as bright. I just felt I needed to get out my thoughts and feelings. So I picked up my phone and I started recording. What I recorded is a reflection on time — my time spent in my recovery and how time feels. I have here for you today the content of that recording, raw and unedited. A special edition of This Hat is a Helmet. Enjoy!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

I have often heard my friends who are parents say they wish they could slow down time. They wish they could stop it. They feel like their kids are growing up so fast. And they just want to preserve this moment.

I remember when I was young, my parents always saying that time went by so fast. It’s the summer right now and I was looking at my agenda earlier. It feels like summer just started, yet at the same time it’s almost over. When I was young, I never understood this — I never understood when adults said time seemed to pass so quickly — I thought they were weird. Now I’m one of those adults. But during my recovery, time doesn’t always feel like that.

I remember before, people saying to me, just take it one day at a time. This used to really frustrate me. Take it one day at time? It’s hard getting through the day — the day seems like a lofty goal. I’m having a hard time getting through the hour, the minute. There were many times when time seemed to move so slow… Where I just wished time would pass and I would get to a time when I felt better.

Today I can hear kids out my window yelling and screaming and playing. And I find myself also wanting time to slow down, to stand still. But it’s not because I want to preserve this moment.

I’m not feeling super well today. I had a good day yesterday — drove out to one of the parks, went to a beach, swam, got some sun, went to the store, even did some things on my phone screen. I should’ve known I would pay for it today. It’s kind of like winter…

Here in Canada, we go all winter wishing it was summer, then we go all summer forgetting that winter is a thing. And when winter comes, we’re all surprised by it. We don’t know where it came from and we’re shocked that it happened, even though it happens every single year. I feel like I’m treating my bad days and my symptoms now like my classic Canadian-self treats winter. How is it, that even though routinely after busy successful days, I feel like crap, I am still shocked by it? I am still frustrated wondering where it came from. I am still worried that it will never get better.

But it does get better. It always does.

But what I worry about is the length of time. Maybe deep down, I know it will get better, but how long until that happens? Just like maybe deep down all of us Canadians know winter is coming, but when will that first snowfall hit? When will that first -40 grace our faces? And how long will that winter last before we come out of hibernation and can ride our bikes, yell, run, scream, and play? I think it’s the amount of time that catches us off guard.

Today I’m wanting time to slow down. Not because I want to preserve the moment, but because I am wondering how long this is going to take. You see, I want time to slow down for everyone else. I want the time to catch up. I want the time to recover and get to a point where I can move along in time with others.

Many times during my recovery, it has felt as though I myself have been frozen in time. I struggle day in and day out, week in and week out, month in and month out, trying to get ahead. And I do so watching all the other people around me get ahead. Reach their milestones, move forward in life, and wish time for them would stop or slow down. And I wish that for them, I really do. But not the way I have to live it.

So here I am today, having a hard time. But if there’s anything I know to be true, it’s that time doesn’t stop. It’s all just how we perceive it. At times it may seem faster and it may seem slower. But perception aside, it will pass us by if we don’t do what we can to enjoy it.

At least, I guess, that is what I will tell of time today.


Best and brain health for all,

And best and brain health for all time,

— Krystal 

----------------------------------------------------------------------

And that’s the post! I hope you had a good time — lol, bad pun, I know.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for joining me on this journey. This is the last post I will be doing for the summer. I need to take a break, I need to take some time for myself. I will be coming back with more posts in November.

If you want to be notified when these posts come out, hit subscribe at the top of the page. An email will be sent straight to your inbox!

You can also follow me on the Instagram: this.hat.is.a.helmet

And please do share with all your friends, family, coworkers, neighbours…brain health for all!

Enjoy the rest of your summer if you’re in the Northern hemisphere. Regardless of where you are, I do hope you enjoy the weather and take some rests. I will see you back in the late fall, or dare I say shocked by an early winter…

Cheers.


(Image by Unbox Science from Pixabay)

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

7 - Music

-
Image
I took this picture of my ABBA on vinyl 😀  (Want to listen instead?  Less screen time!  Click here ) Anything that’s stimulating can trigger symptoms.   What’s stimulating?   Anything. In Post Concussion Syndrome, we are supposed to limit or avoid anything that causes us too many symptoms.   The trouble is if we limit or avoid too much, we don’t improve and we also become isolated.   This can lead to sad or depressing thoughts and moods, which in turn are stimulating in their own way, triggering more symptoms…like a vicious cycle of doom… When you’re unwell, you would think laying down listening to some tunes would be relaxing.   One of the saddest and most frustrating moments I remember was when I tried but couldn’t listen to music. Music has otherwise always made me feel good.   I love to sing, I love to dance.   But one day post injury in 2015 I tried to cheer myself up by putting on my ABBA  on vinyl (yes…I’m one of those 30-something year-old hipsters who owns a r
Read more

To Feel Strong and like I Belong: Rock Climbing

-
Image
  Read to me! Audio of this post here Have you found your sport? Growing up I was fortunate to have access to different sports. My parents signed me up for swimming lessons at a young age. They also put me in co-ed soccer and judo. Kids in my neighbourhood played a lot of ball hockey, which I continued to play in intra-murals in middle school, high school, and during my first years at university. In high school I was also on the track & cross-country running teams. Based on my sport profile above, it would be easy to picture me as an athletic kid. A young athlete who competed and won all sorts of trophies… Well. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Although I swam well into my teen years, I never competed. In the three to four years I played soccer, I only ever scored one goal. I reluctantly competed in one judo tournament, where I did place 3rd! However, there were only four competitors in my category. I was more engaged in ball hockey at school, but this was always just for f
Read more

1 - Origin Story

-
Image
(Want to listen to this post instead?  Less screen time!  Click here .) When I tell people I have a brain injury, or that I have had a number of concussions (I think the count is up to 4 or 5…depending on how you count them), I often get asked how it happened.   Now, I can’t speak for the whole brain injury community, but for me, this question is kind of a social faux-pas.   It reminds me of the first episode of Orange is the New Black.   The protagonist enters her first jail cell for the first time.   She is awkwardly trying to greet her cell mates.   She gets asked what she did to get put in prison.  She replied "Aren't you not supposed to ask that question?  I read that you're not supposed to ask that"… Well, the brain injury can be likened to prison.   It isolates me.   It keeps me from the outside world.   It keeps me confined to only a few rooms.   I can’t really watch TV and I can’t do anything or go anywhere I
Read more