This Hat is a Helmet

(Want to listen to this post instead?  Less screen time!  For audio, click here ) We all know that old saying?   “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!”   As if it were that simple.   As if lemonade were the answer to all of life’s problems… The image above is a painting I made almost exactly two years ago.   That June, I was one year post injury and things were looking promising!   I had just attended a cool improv workshop and had a lot of fun when I was invited to perform in a show with some out of town guests.   I was flying high and the summer was seeming bright.   I was making plans, thinking the worst was behind me.   And then… Then I made this painting and wrote this post on Facebook: June 19, 2016 Post Concussion Syndrome can be really hard sometimes. After the massive cognitive success and emotionally exciting high that was last week, this week I am reminded of the laws of gravity and entropy - the more massive the object, the more forcefu

(Want to listen to this post instead?? Less screen time!!  For audio, click here ) I can point to you the spot where I’ve hit my head so many times…yep, that’s right, THE spot.   Four out of five potential concussions have been the result of me hitting my head in the exact same spot.   What are the odds? THE spot is on my left side, just adjacent to and overlapping my stylish side-part.   I think one of my hair stylists once told me they could tell there had been some trauma there, but otherwise there’s no visible identifying landmark.   My CT scan and MRIs both show nothing there either (“unremarkable” as the reports say). But for me, that spot can become an epicentre of pain and I have this sort of 6th sense that makes me anxiously protect the area when any elbow, open cupboard or apples on a tree are passing overhead… I have made the joke that since the injury happened on the left side of my head, that my left brain functions must be impaired…it’s a great exc

(Want to listen to this post instead?  Less screen time!  For audio click here ) I was looking through my old journals.   I came across an entry I wrote in October 2015, about 4 1/2 months after my most recent concussion that I am still recovering from today. At that time, I was sliding fast (cue music, Red Hot Chili Peppers: Otherside ).   I was going through a horrible and prolonged setback when I wrote the entry and poem that I will share with you today.   In the last few days, I’ve been feeling a bit better and now have a more uplifting outlook than I did when I wrote the original “Setback” blog post .   I thought sharing the journal entry I found and my current outlook would make a nice “Setback Bonus” blog post! The journal entry and poem I'm sharing here is kinda sad (though, I think the poem is beautiful in it's misery, LOL).   It might also be less organized than my other writing (after all, my brain was pretty boggled at the time…). But when I read

Hey look!  I've added to my graph from post #3 ...😣 (Want to listen to this post instead?  Screw screen time!  Click for audio here .) I cannot count the number of times I’ve said aloud, or to myself or simply just thought: “I wish someone could just take this away from me.” Last week, I was talking to one of my friends who I met through the brain injury community. This friend is going through the experience we all dread — while recovering from their first concussion, they have had another head injury. Indeed, this had happened to me during my first concussion. In 2011, I almost recovered from my first concussion in just one week. One week after the initial injury, I was feeling great. So I started rushing through some piles of chores, one of which was putting away kitchen items in the small pantry underneath the staircase. I hit my head on one of the cross beams. This turned my one week recovery into one year. When setbacks like these happen, I bounce ar

(Want to listen to this post instead?  Less screen time!  For audio click here ) Several years ago, a good friend of mine moved from a large, bustling concrete fortress of a city to a remote small town surrounded by lakes and forests. It sounds like the premise of a prime time sitcom (especially considering how much my friend liked their downtown apartment, choice of coffees from all sorts of eclectic cafes and the busy pace of the people on the paved streets). But contrary to what you’d expect, my friend did very well with the transition and fell in love with the new environment.   My friend still lives there today, having developed a home, a family and a true love of nature. I remember talking to this friend after they moved and settled in. They work with nearby and even more remote communities. The culture there has a great respect for the nature that surrounds them, though they don’t have access to a lot of the resources that we would find common in urban centres.

(Want to listen to this post instead?  Less screen time!  For audio click here ) Journaling is something I’ve been doing since my first concussion in 2011.   It’s a nice way to get the scattered ideas out of my head.   It’s like once they’ve made it on to the page, they’ve been released from my brain and no longer take up my brain’s limited space and energy.   I’m not a disciplined writer, but I have notebooks and pages lying around everywhere chronicling haphazard moments in time from 2011.   Though, I admit, I don’t have much from my journaling in 2011 because I did in fact burn those pages in a bonfire… at the time it was a cathartic letting go of the trauma of that first concussion.   Though now, I kinda wish I had that documentation. (Ha!   “Documentation”…That’s the health care professional in me…) Here, though, is one of my journal entries that I do still have: Not Just a Circle, A Spiral That moment when you just can’t anymore.   When even the thought

I took this picture of my ABBA on vinyl 😀  (Want to listen instead?  Less screen time!  Click here ) Anything that’s stimulating can trigger symptoms.   What’s stimulating?   Anything. In Post Concussion Syndrome, we are supposed to limit or avoid anything that causes us too many symptoms.   The trouble is if we limit or avoid too much, we don’t improve and we also become isolated.   This can lead to sad or depressing thoughts and moods, which in turn are stimulating in their own way, triggering more symptoms…like a vicious cycle of doom… When you’re unwell, you would think laying down listening to some tunes would be relaxing.   One of the saddest and most frustrating moments I remember was when I tried but couldn’t listen to music. Music has otherwise always made me feel good.   I love to sing, I love to dance.   But one day post injury in 2015 I tried to cheer myself up by putting on my ABBA  on vinyl (yes…I’m one of those 30-something year-old hipsters who owns a r

(Want to listen instead? Less screen time!  Click here .) In 2013 I turned 30 years old.   I thought by 30 I would be married, have a good permanent job with benefits, maybe even have a house.   I was so epically wrong… I hate to sound cliché, but as my 30th year approached and none of those milestones had come to fruition, I felt a “one-third life crisis.” From elementary school to high school, I was involved in drama classes and school theatre productions.   I loved it.   I almost chose to study theatre in university.   But, being a big science nerd thanks in part to looking up to Dana Scully from the X-Files , and also after considering that job security in theatre work was probably slim to none, I pursued studies in the sciences.   The irony is that I’ve now been a health care professional for the last 8 years and I still don’t have a permanent job.   It would seem job security with good pay and benefits is lacking in my field… I should have become an actor, lol.

(Want to listen to this post instead?  Less screen time!  For audio, click here .) After I recovered from my first concussion in the autumn of 2012, I got a new job.   The first thing I had to do for this new job was to go to Toronto for a few days for a unique training opportunity.   I remember at that time being excited and hungry for learning.   I also had some preoccupation wondering how well I would handle my first travels and work training after the injury.   Though at that time, I had been doing very well.   I had been slowly increasing my day-to-day activities; I was part of a peer group led by a psychologist that helped me take appropriate risks to try new things again.   All that to say, I knew I was ready for the challenge.   My hotel in downtown Toronto was on the lakefront.   One evening, I walked along the sort of boardwalk and came across an indoor pet play park (cool!).   On the outside was a quote that said something like this: “I wish to be as good a p