25 - Anniversary Post

(All my posts have audio so you can LISTEN instead of read. Less screen time :) Find audio for this post on my Soundcloud account here)

A quiet apartment. A dimly lit living room. A jowly dog snoring softly on the couch. A timer ticking down the last minute and the sound of a “click” that set the stage for a simple accident that would change all my future plans.

Four years ago I was trying to live life to the fullest, packing as many activities into each moment as humanly possible, while not actually being aware of the present moment itself.

I spent that day waking early, walking my best buddy, Bob, meeting a friend, scavenging the city’s largest community garage sale, driving back and forth to pick up and drop off our epic finds, all while thinking of and planning the next day, which was supposed to be driving about one and a half hours out of the city for hiking and rock climbing, with my best and other buddies.

There was something about being so busy that made me feel accomplished, important, powerful. There’s so many things in life we can’t control, but at that time I could control transporting a secondhand multicoloured dresser, and packing up my day trip climbing gear.

All this made me feel like I had my shit together. And the cherry on top was to do all of this fun stuff while still succeeding at the many tasks and chores categorized under “adulting.” So, it didn’t bother me, staying up past 10 PM, rushing to use a friend’s washer and dryer, to do my laundry.

I was nailing it. Checking everything off my to do list while keeping some coins in my pocket (because why pay for laundry in my own building when I can do it elsewhere for free?) I felt efficient at my fast pace.

One load in.

One load out.

All while scheming more future plans on my phone to not waste one moment.

And then it hit me.

Literally.

Trying so hard not to miss a moment, I misjudged and set on a course of missing out for years to come.

We were so young back in 2015...

Four years ago I hit my head and sustained a concussion that became ongoing post concussion syndrome. I still have not fully recovered.

I struggle with chronic pain and fatigue, with working, with isolation, with finances, with mental health.

I have been grateful for family, friends, communities, opportunities, and the things that have always existed in every day moments I never before actually recognized (because why before would I actually stop and look at how maple tree buds bloom in the spring?)

One year ago I started this blog and podcast on my three year concussion anniversary. The goal was one post every day in the month of June - brain injury awareness month.

I failed at this goal.

But sometimes when you shoot for the moon, you can still land amongst the stars. And I have :-)

In sharing my story I have connected with people, brain injury or not. I have discovered meaning in my experience and ways to talk about my injury that aren’t solely dismal, lol. I have built my confidence in being able to contribute something valuable to this world at a time when I don’t truly feel a part of it.

In this past year I have learned about writing, storytelling, blogging, podcasting, and social media.

I have met new friends and built stronger relationships with old ones.

I started dating and I’m celebrating at the same time a one year anniversary with my loving and caring boyfriend.

I have travelled by car, bus, and plane.

I have taught, performed, and coached in improv.

I have networked and sought resources to start a business.

And just two weeks ago...

I have sustained another concussion.

Even the best laid plans…

Even Bob has been having a rough week after needing a surgery.

There’s a part of my thoughts that say to me “all that, four years wasted.” My anxiety screams in terror that I am going all the way back to the beginning. Like four years ago, my gut sinks seeing all my future plans being erased.

“I was so close,” I’ve said, sobbing.

But these thoughts are not facts.

A good friend of mine the other day said this to me:

“It’s like you’ve been running a marathon these past four years. This new concussion doesn’t bring you all the way back to the start line. You’ve just stepped to the side to momentarily tie your shoelace. You’re still closer to the finish line.”

In these past years recovering, I’ve been building my resilience, seeing the enjoyment in my day-to-day life regardless of health status. I’ve been working on my mental health and I am the mental healthiest I’ve ever been.

I’ve seen myself bounce back.

I’ve seen myself get back into the race.

I’m still looking towards the moon.

In other words, regardless of this new concussion, I am still amongst the stars.

This June I aim to continue raising awareness, in whatever way I can. My brain dictates what I can and cannot do — no need to try and pack in as many posts as possible this year. Whatever gets done, gets done. And that is the true representation of what it is like to have a concussion and live with post concussion syndrome.

The next post I release is about integrity and trust — doing what we say we will do. A topic I find fitting, considering my recent difficulties getting out podcast interview episodes on time, and also that my 30th blog post — which was supposed to be released on June 30, 2018 — has still officially yet to be released one year later. An important lesson for my perfectionism, for sure.

So do enjoy.

Do continue to enjoy.

Do share.

Do continue to share.

Because I love this work that I am doing. Often writing in a quiet apartment, in a dimly lit living room, with a jowly dog snoring softly beside me on the couch. With a future ahead of me to discover.

Best in brain health for all,

Krystal

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

P.S.  If there is anything here you find fun and insightful, subscribe! The button is at the top of the page and you'll get email notifications when one of my posts is out!

You may also enjoy my Instagram page :-)

Check it out at the handle this.hat.is.a.helmet

Thank you